Why are we still talking?

It's honestly a good thing I drink. I mean not all day or even every day. But when I do pop open a bottle of wine, it helps me to understand the weird shit that's happened during the week. It's only Thursday, but I feel I should share these few conversations I've had in the last couple of days. Thankfully 2 were with small children, one of them being mine.

1. I was in the car with Jackson and I was talking to my nephew's dad on the car's bluetooth.
Me: I don't know how Roman stays up all night. Seriously, staying up past 11 makes me feel neasuous and all messed up for a couple days.
Adam: I know. I don't know how I did that when I was younger.
Me: I guess that's because we're getting old.
Jackson: You're getting old, Mom?
Me: Yep, buddy, I sure am.
Jackson:...huh, so you're getting older. That means you're going to die.
Me: Hopefully not any time soon, buddy.
Jackson: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.
Ah, such a logical young man.

2. Our neighbor kids came over last night because it was fairly nice out and they were already in the garage before we could shut the door. Well, the youngest (maybe 4 years old) one just let himself in the backdoor while I was in the kitchen asking if he could use the bathroom. Now, we've never really even talked to these kids before, but hey, he had to go. So he's trying to talk to me while he's sitting on the toilet and this was a weird conversation.
Jacob: Where did you get this bathtub? 
Me: Uh, it came with the house?
Jacob: No, but I mean, where did it come from?
Me: I'm guessing the store.
Jabcob: What store? Like Walmart? Because if you say it came from Walmart, that will make me so happy.
Me: I think it came from Lowes. *KIDDING* Yeah, buddy, I bet it came from Walmart.
Jacob: Oh, well afer I'm done pooping, can I take a bath, eat dinner and stay the night here?
Me: Perhaps we should talk to your mom and dad and maybe this summer you can camp in the backyard with us.
Jacob: Ok. Can you wipe me now?

...oh boy...

3. I really need help.
Me: I wonder why this plant is dying in here (our office). Maybe we should put it in my office. Plants do really well back here with all the sunlight from the windows.
Raya (my secretary): Yeah we can do that because it's just dying up here.
Me: Hmm, do you think it's because it's by the front door. Maybe it's dying because the door keeps opening and closing up there and it probably doesn't like the cold... because plants don't like it outside I bet... wait. what? what the hell did I just say?
Raya: HAAAAAAA!
Yeah, I need a break from work.

And then I was like "Oh hell no"

You're welcome, world. I went off my meds for a bit but now I'm back on them because honestly I can't cope otherwise. I don't really like the real world, and I hate dealing with idiots. So, I cure that with my Paxil and I live in this place where things are nicer and less annoying.
Except school.
School never gets less annoying, and I've had enough already. We're just in Week 1 and I've had enough. First of all, I found out that I won't be done with classes this session. In fact, there were some hidden credits that I was missing and just recently found out about. So I will be done hopefully in March of next year (if I take summer classes). I'm okay with that fact now because I know there is nothing I can do about it. It's not like I'm going to just give up school.

But let me explain my frustrations with this one teacher. We have multiple discussion threads in this class that we must post to weekly. One is a current events thread. For this week it reads "We will use this thread to discuss any global crime related issue/story which is in the news recently. This is your opportunity to shape the focus of the course. Jump in any time with your perspective or opinion."

Global crime. My perspective... Check. I submit a post about a jury trial issue. This is wrong and the professor quickly tells me this is not a global crime and that my post will be deleted. Awesome. I post a second topic regarding sexual assault and how the women of Egypt are trying to get help, but instead they're being blamed for these acts against them. I follow this up by explaining that it is a global crime because countries all over the world, including ours, is constantly dealing with this type of crime and how we need to focus our energy and resources on helping these victims.
He again tells me I'm wrong- "This to is not a global crime.  We are looking for crimes that cross borders. Drugs, internet child porn, human trafficing... things of this nature."
Fuck this. I respond with,  "It is a global crime if it's happening all over the world. And if the topic of this post was to be what crimes have the same exact victim and cross borders, then that's what should have been stated." And maybe I just didn't understand the question, but apparently neither did the other 3 people that have posted because they were told they were wrong as well.
And then I dropped his class and registered again with a new teacher. I already don't have enough energy to do half of this homework, so I'm sure as hell not going to do it 3 times because you didn't explain what it was that you wanted the first time.

Happy Wednesday :)

Dreams :)

Conversation I had with my momma Saturday morning:

Me: So I had a dream last night that I left Justin.

Mom: How did you feel? (BTW, not really sure why she asked me this)

Me: Well, pretty good actually because I left him for Rick from The Walking Dead.

Mom: Ooooh, now I understand why you  left him.

Me: It was hot really. I was at his house and I walked through the kitchen and into the garage which led into the backyard, which I still don't understand. But he had all these bicycles in the garage. Like 60 bikes. And I asked him why he had all these bikes and he said "Because I don't have to worry about zombies anymore. I love to ride bikes and I can do it without having to worry. I'm not stuck in that prison anymore and I like enjoying the fresh air." And then he started baking me all these pies. And the apple one was the best.

Mom: I can't picture him baking, but that sounds nice.

Me: It was. They were really good pies. And I think I want to start riding a bike now. Or just eating more pie.

I love Rick. :)

Outsmarted by a 4 year old

Recently Jackson has discovered a few websites online that he loves to play on. I don't mind him using the computer as long as he's playing games that are educational. But here's the thing- he wants to play ALL the time. And honestly, it's gotten out of control. So the mom in me totally came out. In order to earn 20 minutes on the computer, he must practice his handwriting. Right now I have him writing his name at least 5 times in order to play for 20 minutes- which is timed and the computer gets turned off at 20 minutes. It seems to be helping and he is more than willing to earn extra time by doing extra exercises.
Today he asked to play his games and without giving it a second thought I gave him the computer. There is really not much else going on here with all the snow. After about 10 minutes of him playing, I realized he hadn't done his handwriting work. So I say to him, "Uh, wait a second. Why are you on the computer? You haven't written your name yet today." And my smarty pants little boy says "Well, you're the one that turned the computer on for me so now what, mom?"

Yep.

Jackson: 1 Helena: 0



Until next time,
H

A year later...

Anyone still interested? Hello?

Sorry, it's been way too long. I really have had a ton to talk about but Facebook makes it easier to post 1 sentence and be done with it. But something happened last night and it's been gnawing on my brainz and I need to get this out.

I became extremely agitated last night over a darn Facebook post. Perhaps it's because I'm getting older and I have a child to think about 24 hours a day. Perhaps it's because I'm trying to feel better about myself overall. Perhaps it's because I'm married and I have a wonderful husband and have no reason to be out searching for empty compliments. Or perhaps it was because I was watching Disney's Brave last night and was feeling somewhat empowered and proud to be a strong woman.
So this was the stupid little saying that a "friend" posted:

         "No girl believes she's beautiful, until a guy comes along and makes her feel like she is"

I'm sorry. But what the fuck?

So, what you're telling me is that a man's comment about how I look completely determines how I feel about myself? I commented on this post: "Well, this is just sad. So now we need men to make us believe we're beautiful." And I shouldn't have said anything, but it really just irked me for so many reasons, and I'll get to those. But I feel I need to share her response, "Because we are women Helena.... We are needy creatures...... We need flattery....we need to feel special esp in the eyes of ooooh so attractive men, men that look ooooh soooo attractive in uniforms & shiny objects....like pink diamonds.... What girl doesnt like shiny things... Or wait...... Did I just describe me......"  

I'd like to point out a few things now:
1. I don't need you to separate all of you words for me. I've learned out to read and I am fully capable of reading an entire sentence without needing..... a..... break. Thanks.
2. I don't care for flattery. I love that my husband loves me and everything about me, including my looks, but ask him how I respond to any type of compliment. It's usually a simple "Ugh, whatever." Do you know that the only time I really feel great about myself- physically and mentally, is when I look in the mirror after doing something worthwhile. I can honestly say that in those moments I feel beautiful and I don't need anyone to tell me anything. I know that deep down that I am beautiful because of  who I am and what I can accomplish. 
3. Shiny objects? You know what I have? A wedding ring. And I love it. 
4. This girl has a daughter. A young woman who is so precious and in need of positive role models. I'm sorry, but with a mindset like hers, how will she teach her daughter that she is beautiful no matter what anyone says? Because I look at that quote and I have to ask, if a man tells you that you're ugly, do you believe that too? That's a shitty way to live, because there are shitty people in this world that will tell you that.
5. I guess it could have all just been in fun, and that's why I just deleted my comment on her post. Clearly her response and the few after that show me that these women care only about what others think.  

I hope that I am able to teach any future daughter that I might have that being complimented is nice and you should accept those compliments with grace. But that does not mean that you then have to let some man get in your pants because he's the only one that makes you feel beautiful. And I'm thankful that I have Justin to father my children because he truly is capable of teaching someone how to love themselves and others. (I know what some of you are thinking because he is a complete goofball, but he really is amazing.) And I hope that I am instilling a good set of morals in Jackson. I want Jackson to always try his hardest to be respectful of everyone- men or women. And for the most part, even at 4 years old, he is a little gentlemen. 

So there is my first rant in a year. I hope I don't stir anything up. I just really needed to vent. 

See you soon,
-H

Our home

Our new home

 I thought it was time that I post a picture of the new house... that we move into in a MONTH! I wanted to wait until everything had gone through before I posted any more about it- and now we're just waiting for that closing date. We close on June 4th, which means that anyone that's going to be in town that weekend can just make plans to help us move. Because seriously, I'm tired of moving in the middle of the friggin summer. But it's OUR home and I could not be more excited about this. 

So... it's got 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, the most amazing living room with a vaulted ceiling, a perfect little kitchen, and one heck of a backyard. Jackson is excited to have a new bedroom, although I'm nervous about him being at the opposite end of the house.And we are super thrilled to have a backyard to play in and there's already talk of putting in a butterfly garden and some fruit trees. Justin plans to set up the spare room as an office/guest room. 

I'm completely out of it, and I should have waited until I had time to write this post, but I just couldn't help it after looking at the photos again. Justin and I will celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary, Jackson's 4th birthday and so many other joyous occasions in this home, and honestly, I can't wait.